How to Help Your Pastor Raise His Kids

My wife and I have four children, though I am not sure you can call four 15 to 20 year olds “children” anymore, but they are some of the greatest joys of our lives.  They have been an integral part of our lives and ministry here in New York ever since the day we arrived.  When we first arrived they were 2, 3, 5, and 7 years of age, so they have grown up here in what many call the “Graveyard of Preachers.”  They have always been involved in our ministry from day one.  When they were very young, we sang together and they would be our visitation partners when we went door to door.  

As they grew into teens the singing did continue but they started to fill more grown up roles such as nursery workers, helping in junior church, and even teaching a Sunday School class from time to time.  Whenever there is a banquet for the adults, my kids have become the default child care providers for those who attend is a prime example of their service.  But now as they are growing into adulthood, their roles are changing again as our oldest is in her sophomore year at Christian college preparing for ministry and the second is preparing to join her this coming fall by working to pay her way next year.  They all still serve in ministry, but, they are becoming adults and thus their decisions are more focused on future life.  The remaining two are trying to finish high school while seeking what the Lord would have them do in the days ahead.  But it is safe to saw that all my “children” still serve within our church ministries wherever needed.  

More then anything else, I am so thankful that my children have confessed Christ as their Savior and seem to love Him and His way.  They also genuinely love their church and their church family.  I never have to drag them to church as they love going and spending time with both young and old at each service.  I usually have to pull them away from the church folks after service is done instead of finding them in the car waiting to go home.  This is no accident, as both our family and our church “family” are a part of that development.  I truly believe that our church family should be praised for helping us because though our children were raised by my wife and I, our church family gave us the liberty we needed to raise OUR children.  

My question is are you helping your pastor and his wife raise their kids?  I don’t mean are you actually raising them, but are you helping the pastor’s family by giving them the freedom, the encouragement, and sometimes the needed “tools” to raise their children within your church family?  Too often the term “the preacher’s kids” has become a badge of shame and ridicule instead of a badge of honor.  Now it is true that some preacher’s kids are bad apples and not living like they should, but sometimes these bad preacher’s kids have been aided down that path of rebellion because church people have been expecting more from the preacher’s kids than they should be.   I am not blaming the church members for the heart of rebellious PKs, but I do want to help minimize the negative influence. 

This past Sunday during our afternoon service, I thanked our church for letting their pastor’s kids grow into the young people they are today mainly because our church did not have unrealistic expectations.  So I say it here publicly, “Thank you Valley Bible Baptist Church of Cobleskill, NY for allowing my children to be children.  Thank you for letting them be human and letting me and my wife raise them as we saw fit and not as you felt they should be.  I never heard a word against them or us because of them.  Thank you!”  

And now I want to take a moment of your time and give you a few points to ponder about helping your pastor and his wife raise their children. 

1. Remember that the pastor’s kids are still just kids.  So often the pastor’s kids are expected to behave beyond their years.  They are expected to be at every event and to behave in a flawless manner, because, well, they are the pastor’s kids.  1 Timothy 3:4 is too often used to set up the expectation for the pastor’s family and sometimes that level of expectation is that the kids belonging to the pastor can’t actually be kids.  They are too frequently expected to not behave like all the other kids do and they are expected to know more than all the other kids do, because they are the pastor’s kids - “Don’t run in church” comes to mind right here.  Now mind you I do believe that my children should live an example, but not because they are the pastor’s children but because they name Christ as their Savior.  Paul told Timothy to “be and example” of the believer” in 1 Timothy 4:12.  But with that said, don’t forget that your pastor’s kids are still kids and they will behave as kids do, so give them the space they need to be children.  My children have made mistakes like hiding behind the communion table before service, breaking a window at the church with a snowball, and just doing things that all kids do.  They were not malicious things, just childish things, and our church family accepted the fact that pastor’s kids make mistakes too.  Don’t ever put unrealistic expectations on your preacher’s kids as it makes them feel they can never be good enough for you and that makes their parent’s task even more difficult.
2. Remember that the pastor’s kids were born into the ministry not called into it.  I was called by God into the ministry when I was about 17 years of age even though my father was in the ministry my entire life.  The calling of God into “full time” ministry does not fall on every person, and that includes the pastor’s kids.  Many of them were born into the ministry and not called into it themselves.  They had no say whether their father was going to be a pastor and they had no say on whether they were going to judged by a unique set of standards because they are “the preacher’s children.”   They were born into a family that has uniquely been called to sacrifice themselves daily for people, but remember that call does not mean every church member has the right to expect the pastor’s children to mirror their father in everything they do (1 Corinthians 3:10).  Don’t expect your pastor’s children to be at the same maturity level spiritually as their father because he was called and prepared for the ministry they were not (Ephesians 4:1).  Do you expect your mechanic’s kids to know everything about cars?  Then why do we expect our pastor’s kids to be their father in miniature when spiritual growth is an act of the freewill?  Just as salvation is not passed from one generation to the next, neither is the call of God into ministry passed down automatically.  Let me also add that unfortunately there are some IFB circles where if a pastor’s child doesn’t follow their father into ministry, there is a feeling that the pastor has failed somewhere in his ministry and that is a shame to see.  Remember that in Revelation 22:12 the Lord Himself says that His reward is given to “every man according to his work” not his father’s work.  Let the pastor’s kids be themselves and accept that they are simply living through their father’s calling until they get their own direction.
3. Remember that the pastor’s kids are a target of Satan (1 Peter 5:8).  I don’t think anyone would refute that a pastor is always under assault from the Devil.  Now I do not mean that the Devil assaults a pastor uniquely but that Satan knows when a pastor falls into sin the repercussions go way beyond just his life.  It is biblically true that pastors should be held accountable for their sin just like any other person, but when Satan gets a pastor to fall into sin everyone in his family, church, and community suffer (1 Timothy 3:4).  Just this past week an IFB pastor was arrested for a sexually deviant act and it made national news which gives us all a black eye in the world’s estimation.  This happens because people struggle to separate a single pastor’s personal failures from the reputation of all churches and the cause of Christ as a whole.  But if Satan wants to destroy the pastor, could the same can not also be said somewhat for the pastor’s family?  If Satan can get his wife or children to fall, then the ministry is also affected too.  How many men of God had their ministry side tracked because their children or wives made mistakes?  And to add to this struggle, every preacher’s kids knows they are under the microscope and the pressure that brings.  As a pastor’s son myself, I always knew that my father’s ministry hung on my actions.  I knew that if I grievously sinned, I could end his ministry and that is a unique burden that PKs have in common.  If you struggle to see my point, ask yourself when was the last time a doctor was asked to stop being a doctor because his/her child was arrested?  Yet if a IFB pastor’s son was found drunk, his church would probably be asking him to resign and rightfully so according to 1 Timothy 3:4.  So, PLEASE, pray for your pastor’s kids and encourage them as you should your pastor.  I am so thankful for a church family here at Valley that seeks to honor and encourage my children at the same time they honor my wife and I.  I can honestly say that the reason my children have as much influence in our church as I is because their testimony which our church family has helped to protect.  They pray for my kids’ protection and I am grateful for that.  They know my kids have a target on their back and they try not to shoot at it….Satan put that target there and my church helps pull the arrows out when he shots there!
4. Remember that the pastor wants his children to do right more than you do.  The next time you see your pastor’s kids doing something wrong, rather than just getting angry and self righteous, pray for the family.  Remember that the pastor and his wife want their children doing right more than you do, because they are their children.  The apostles Paul and John again and again references their “children” and how he wanted them to grow in the Lord (Galatians 4:19; Hebrews 2:13; 1 John 2;1, 3:18).  These “children” of the apostles were in spiritual things, but this is also true of your pastor and his wife.  You see in many cases the pastor’s first converts in ministry are his own children and he wants them to grow in Christ more than anything.  But so often immediately after a preacher’s kid does something wrong, along comes a self righteous busy body church member gleefully telling the pastor that he is a failure because he isn’t controlling his child!  Know that your pastor’s heart is breaking when his child is struggling with some sin.  Grieve with your pastor before you get angry with him.  Get the heart for your pastor by helping him to help his children.  You can do this by supporting his discipline efforts and by giving him the time he needs to spend with his children.  You see, when a child is spiritually or morally struggling their parents need to spend more time with them not just discipline them more.  Discipline is important but gaining the heart their children takes time (Proverbs 23:26).  But if a church doesn't give their pastor the time and tools to win his children’s heart then the situation just spirals out of control.  Don’t take him away from his family more when his kids are struggling, give him more time with them by sending them away as a family. Invest in them as a family instead of tearing them down because the pastor’s kids are struggling.  Help your pastor fight for his children.
5. Remember that the pastor and his wife are the children’s parents not you.  This is the one point that I must be very blunt - DON’T TRY TO RAISE YOUR PASTOR’S CHILDREN AS YOUR OWN!  Down through the years I have seen people try to straighten out the preacher’s kids as a means of trying to help their pastor.  Some members know that if a pastor’s family fails, he is disqualified and so they try to “help” fix things.  To be honest this only makes things worse as it undermines the pastor as the head of his home and it undermines his headship within the church as well.  It is amazing that even after years of teaching there are still people who do not accept that biblical admonition of submission to authority (Hebrews 13:17) and headship of the home (Ephesians 6:4).  Your pastor is not perfect but he is still your pastor and he is the father to his children.  Don’t interfere with either position.

In conclusion let me say this, if a pastor’s family is truly a disaster he may need to be removed from the ministry, but let the removal be first and foremost for the restoration of his family and not for the purification of “your” church.  (By the way, it’s not YOUR church because it beings to Jesus according to Matthew 16:18)  Remember that God can protect His church without our help but God does expect pastors to be help accountable with some level of compassion from their church.   As an illustration of this point, let me say that church discipline should first be for the restoration of the saint (Galatians 6:1-2) and then secondarily for the purification of the church (Matthew 18:17).  So too should be the removal of a pastor because of his children - first for his family’s future well being and then the church’s testimony.  When it comes to asking a pastor to leave because of his children, too often it happens because the church is embarrassed by their pastor’s kids and concerned about the influence on their families and not really because they are concerned about the pastor’s family.  In my opinion this a serious heart issue and should been dealt with immediately.  

Let me also add that any pastor who thinks his children are flawless because they are preacher's kids is fooling himself and needs to step back and see the truth.  Pastor's kids should never be treated as more or less than they are - sinners in need of God's grace or sinners saved by God's grace.

If you want to help your pastor raise good kids then don’t set roadblocks in the way of that happening.  May these points help focus you on removing those today.

How Money Can Destroy Homes and Churches

This past Sunday our adult Sunday School lesson began studying the relationship of Samson and Delilah.  The lesson spoke of two elements, first Samson’s love for Delilah and second Delilah’s love for money.  Now it is common understanding that Samson had a weakness for woman and it should be noted that Delilah is the only woman that Samson actually “loved” but it also should be well understood that Delilah had a weakness for money as she sold the Jewish strongman for silver that probably amounted to about $750,000 in today’s market.

But why should we be surprised as the current mindset of so many in the world is just as money ignorant and it is also like that even in IFB Christianity?

The first mention in the Bible of a person’s wealth is Abraham in Genesis 13:2 where God classifies Abram as “very rich in cattle, in silver and in gold.”  The first mention of financial transactions in the Bible are also in reference in Abraham in Genesis 17:12-13 as God commanded Abraham to circumcise all that were in his house including those who had been “bought with thy money.”  Though this post is not about slavery let me take just a moment to clarify that this “slavery” in Genesis 17 was not about the oppression of a race of people but was based either a person’s inability to repay their financial debt or when a nation was overrun by a pagan army and the citizens where sold into slavery instead of being slaughtered.  As a matter of fact the Jews were commanded under penalty of death not to take people just to make them slaves (Deuteronomy 24:7 & Exodus 21:16), also God commanded all slaves were to be set free after a set period of time (Deuteronomy 12:12-15), and that slaves were to be treated with respect and care (Ephesians 6:9).  Though the Bible does not condemn all types of “slavery” it did not condone it either.  But that is a subject for another post, I just wanted to point it out for the discussion of Abraham’s financial illustration.

Today in the world money has become the status symbol both for those that have it and for those that do not.  As an example, when billionaire Warren Buffet speaks he is seen as an expert on whatever he says because he is wealthy.  Another example is that people defend President Trump by saying is a successful businessman so, in their minds, that means he will be a good president.  But even some churches that have big buildings and lots of money are judged as successful.  Money, to many, is an ultimate sign of God’s blessing and in a recent survey of Christians by Time magazine “61% believed that God wants people to be prosperous.”  Now mind you it is a natural thing for the flesh to desire “stuff” and there are examples of godly people in the Bible that were blessed with prosperity, but publicly most IFB churches and people would reject this “Prosperity Theology” completely.   Yet is there something about money and our philosophy of it that is helping to destroy our homes and IFB churches today?  Let’s consider a few things.

First how much time do we spend thinking about money and how much time do we waste on looking after the things money can buy us?  Notice that no where in the Bible does God condemn money or possessions, just the love of money (1 Timothy 6:10), coveting of things which we do not have, (Romans 13:9), and not being content with those things which we have (Philippians 4:11 & 1 Timothy 6:8).  We get that in most cases.  Yet even in some IFB churches we often look at other churches’ ability to support more missionaries and assume that church is being more blessed by God than ours.  This mindset, unfortunately, leads some pastors to preach hard about sacrificial giving when what they really want is be able to say that their church added more missionaries and thus “brag” about what God is doing in their church.  But God clearly says in His Word that we are not to base our actions upon someone else’s actions or upon trying to “keep up with the neighbors” (2 Corinthians 10:12) even if that "neighbor" is another church.  Thus it is wrong to base our preaching and thinking about giving based upon what another church or person is giving and doing.

Second how much effort do we give in making money?  Money is a tool.  This is a lesson that I learned many years ago and I have tried to teach it to our church family here at Valley.  If you see money as a tool then you will recognize that if it is used well it can accomplish much, but if it is used without care, much harm can come to the user.  Think of a power saw.  It can cut wood well, but, it can also cut off your hand when used improperly.  The difference is a respectful, well trained, conscientious user.  So it is with money.  If you spend so much effort in the getting of money that you have no more energy to care for your family (Ephesians 5:22-6:4) or serve your Lord (Exodus 20:3) then there is clearly something amiss.  So many Christians and churches have the emphasis that finances drive their church programs and ministries.  Well meaning preachers will say, “This ministry runs on money.  It’s the fuel for the ministry.”  When in truth the Spirit of God is the fuel of the ministry and we must seek Him.  How many pastors/deacons give themselves ulcers when they see the financial reports of their financially struggling churches yet they don't lose a moment of sleep when the Spirit of God is not moving in their midst?  To the best of my knowledge there is not one verse that tells us to pray for money, yet how often do we pray for it now?  The best passage, in my opinion, about this aspect of God’s view of our money is Matthew 22:15-22.

Third how much are we doing to actually prepare for the future financially?  Now this may seem contrary to everything else I have just said as I have tried to downplay the importance of money in our lives.  But Jesus told HIs disciples to make friends of the money of this world (Luke 16:9) and so there isa point to be made here.  I believe Jesus said this in Luke 16 because He knew if we are not careful we will ignore our responsibilities of preparing for the financial future in lieu of “ministry” now.  For example, I have seen well meaning Christians sacrifice everything for the ministry now and feel they are spiritual in doing it.  They are going to trust God for the future, and besides the Lord if coming soon, so why be concerned about retirement years or disability potential.  They forget that Matthew 6:34 is not telling us to spend all our money today and trust God tomorrow.  Yet, again and again through the years I have seen where a pastor has died and his widow has to get a job for the first time in decades because he made no preparation for her care.  In some cases I have seen the pastor's widow is older and she struggles to care for herself on Social Security, if he even remained in the system.  Regretfully I have seen several times where a godly woman has had to almost beg her friends and family to help support her because her husband “sacrificed for the ministry” and “trusted God for the rest.”  The let's add to this, the stories of missionaries who have died on the field and their widow either has to stay in the field trying to hold their work together alone because she would not have any income otherwise.  Of course, in most cases where a widowed missionary remains on the field, support is usually cut in half as many IFB churches refuse to support "single" women in the field.  Finally, how about the pastors and churches that have parsonages as part of the salary of their preacher yet they make no preparation for the potential that the man of God may die and the house needs to be used by the next man of God?  So many ministries and ministers forget that lives are short and sometimes the families of the ministers may outlive him and thus they need to be cared for.  There is verse I feel I should point out here, 1 Timothy 5:8 “But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.”  This isn’t talking about unbelievers not caring for their family but it is about believers not making preparation for their families when the bread winner is gone!  

We need money to live but it must be kept in perspective.  We should never judge our lives or church by what another has or does not have.  We must learn that our task is to do the task God has given us to do and be content with that alone.  However, we must be sure that we do not sacrifice unnecessarily our family’s future well being for our present ministry.

Before I close, let me say that I am writing this from first hand experience.  I am not bitter at all, but I have learned from the experiences I am about to relay to you.  You see, my father was a minister for over 50 years until his death in 2000.   And though I cannot go into exact details,  I can safely say that he literally sacrificed his relationship with some of his children and his family's future financial stability to stay in the ministry when he was disqualified in many minds.  Though I loved him and respected him in many areas, he failed to place his family’s future as a priority in his life.  He saw his ministry as his ultimate call and my older siblings suffered as a result.  Also he never made what I now understand to be the proper financial preparation for his wife when he died.  He was a generous faithful man who would be sure and give when none else gave.  He would empty the bank account to buy the bus when the offering was short.  He sold his guns to pay the expenses of new ministries and so on.  Now, mind you I loved his heart for ministry, but I also learned that there is a balance that many good men have failed to consider in their future finances.  In my father’s case, my mother had to get a job as soon as he died to care for herself as she only had minimal Social Security coming to her.   They had their own home which was far better than many I have seen through the years and for that I am thankful.   Though my mother never once complained, because she saw it as part of her duty as a pastor’s wife, I knew it hurt her  down deep that he hadn’t made full preparations for her like he should have.  He did not love money, but he did not use it either.  Let’s not allow money to destroy our homes or ministries by misusing it, either by loving it or not learning to use it.

The Difference Between Having Church Ministries and Activities

My family and I travel a large amount though we actually only are gone from our church about two Sundays a year and one of those is usually on our annual missions trip.  So we usually only see one or two other church bulletins in any given year, but when we do it’s sometimes amazing what you learn.  Churches are extremely busy!  One church we attended a couple years ago had something scheduled every night of the week and on most nights there were two or three things going on at the same time.  Now mind you I love seeing an active church but it also begs the question - where do we draw the line between a church just being busy with activities and a church actually having ministries?

As should be our norm, let’s look at scripture for the answer.  For sake of this article, let’s define “ministries” as those things which Jesus and the early churches did at the leading of the Holy Ghost and “activities” as things which churches have chosen to do in addition to those “ministries.”  I truly think that is as fair a definition as we can scripturally make.

Here is a short list of what the Bible does and does not say about the activities that fill present church schedules:

1. Sunday School Activities - There is not one mention of Sunday School in the Bible.  Now this does not mean it is wrong to have one, as we do at Valley Bible Baptist Church, but we know that we cannot say “We have Sunday School just like the first churches did,”  since they did not have them.  Sunday School’s history is actually only been since about 1750 and did not truly gain wide spread acceptance until well in the 1900’s.  Also Sunday School used to be an additional afternoon activity in most churches until the late 1940’s when it was moved to the morning either before or after the main worship service.  Sunday School is a wonderful tool in many churches, but many pastors and therefore their ministries also get discouraged when their Sunday School is not well attended.  Though there is not mention of Sunday School per say in the early churches, Jesus did teach daily (Matthew 5:1-2) and the early churches clearly taught the people regularly (Acts 5:42) and so Sunday School can easily fit into this in a general way, but not directly as a morning “Sunday School.”  Thus Sunday School, in my opinion, can be seen as either ministry or activity depending what other means of biblical “education” the church is doing.
2. Christian day school - Again there is no mention of day schools or even public schooling in the Bible at all.  No mind you, many do not see themselves as capable to home school their children and thus education outside the home is, in their minds, necessary, but we have to see the definition of “ministry” and “activity” based upon biblical terms and not our personal thoughts.  Please understand, I AM NOT attacking Christian schools as my minor in college was education, my father was a part time teacher in public school and opened a Christian school in two of churches he pastored, and my in laws were both teachers as well, so based upon my life experiences I have no issue with Christian education and understand that public education is also seen as a necessary part of the American culture today.  But let’s be honest enough to see that schools were not a part of the early churches’ “ministries” at all.  Biblically speaking education is somewhat of an enigma in scripture as there is teaching of God’s Word in both Old and New Testaments, teaching skills and trades to others, and certain people seemingly learning via some educational system such as Moses and Paul, but no mention of schools except for the religious school in Acts 19:9.
3. Youth Group - Now before anyone boxes me into the “Integrated Church Family Movement” which is opposed to youth groups and any age groups divisions within a church, let me say without reservation - youth groups are a fine thing in the church as long as they are about growing our youth spiritually and not just entertainment.  But again, there is not one mention of youth groups in the earliest churches of the Bible.  Jesus did say that children should be brought to Him (Luke 18:16) and younger people were to be taught by the older (Titus 2) but these do not directly define a “youth group.”   Can you place a youth group within these verses?  Yes, but with certain qualifications which all things in churches should meet.
4. Visitation Programs - The first Christians did not need a program to get themselves to preach the Gospel of Christ to the lost world, because, they were so motivated that they shared Him everywhere they went (Acts 8:4).  So why do we have visitation programs in our schedules?  A preacher of years gone by said something like this “If Christians just did what the Great Commission said, we wouldn’t need visitation programs in our churches.”  He is 100% correct, but, let’s be honest about our weaknesses too, as we live in bodies of flesh and struggle to do what is right without some encouragement to do those things which we know we should.  Thus visitation programs are important activities of the church, but do they actually meet the criteria of “ministry” or not?  You decide.
5. Choir Practice - This subject could cause great discussion in some places, but realize there is not one mention of a choir in the New Testament at all.  The only mention of "choir" is the Old Testament where professional singers were hired to sing in the Temple (2 Chronicles 20:21).  While singing in the New Testament was done by people to glorify God (Acts 16:25) and encourage themselves in the Lord (Ephesians 5:19).  There is no mention of choir or choir practice in the New Testament churches.   By the way, our church has a choir and we love choir music, so please don’t say I’m opposed to them, just questioning how we define them as ministry or activity and do we have them to fill the calendar with events.
6. Many other activities are NOT mentioned in the New Testament that currently seem to fill church calendars today such as; senior’s groups, church field trips, summer camps, game nights, film nights, concerts, fund raisers, kid’s clubs, and so on.  Yet none of these were actually done in the early churches.

Please understand that I am NOT ATTACKING these events, just trying to get people to think biblically about them.  Please also know that many churches do not have these activities or these events are so poorly attended that it brings discouragement to the heart, and, to be very honest in our current spiritual environment, more and more people are looking for a church with “activities” instead of a place to truly worship in truth.  And is it any wonder as too many churches have fed this mindset by thinking that the number of “activities” equals success in their church and so they lead with all their activities when they promote their church.

In conclusion let me show what the early churches DID and were commanded to DO every day and then you decide if you and your church are ministering biblically.

1. Acts 2:46 “And they, continuing daily with one accord in the temple, and breaking bread from house to house, did eat their meat with gladness and singleness of heart.”
2. Acts 5:42 “And daily in the temple, and in every house, they ceased not to teach and preach Jesus Christ.”
3. Acts 6:1-2 “And in those days, when the number of the disciples was multiplied, there arose a murmuring of the Grecians against the Hebrews, because their widows were neglected in the daily ministration. Then the twelve called the multitude of the disciples unto them, and said, It is not reason that we should leave the word of God, and serve tables.”
4. Acts 17:11 “These were more noble than those in Thessalonica, in that they received the word with all readiness of mind, and searched the scriptures daily, whether those things were so.”
5. Hebrews 13:3 “But exhort one another daily, while it is called To day; lest any of you be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin.”
6. James 2:15-17 “If a brother or sister be naked, and destitute of daily food, And one of you say unto them, Depart in peace, be ye warmed and filled; notwithstanding ye give them not those things which are needful to the body; what doth it profit? Even so faith, if it hath not works, is dead, being alone.”

Please know that if the events on your calendar fulfill the “ministries” in these verses then praise the Lord and double your efforts to be a part of those events.  But if your church calendar is filled with just “activities” then maybe it’s time to double your prayer efforts and maybe make some changes to the calendar.  Just a thought to consider.

Should a Missionary Be Accountable to Every Supporting Pastor?

I am unashamedly an independent fundamental Baptist pastor, but that does not mean that I am “proud” of every other independent fundamental Baptist pastor or church.  To be honest, there are some which I know that are such a poor testimony that being associated with them causes me great distress.  There are also some that claim they are IFB standing on sound doctrine but do not stand where I stand, but instead stand for a very intolerant or wrong “doctrine.”  

For instance, I openly stand for the King James as the preserved word of God in the English language, yet I really would like to distance myself from those which say people can ONLY get saved by the King James.  And yes, unfortunately there are a few which truly believe this.  Let me add that it is not the version of the Bible that saves, but the grace of Almighty God.   

As another example, I stand against sin of all kinds, but would really like to see Westboro Baptist Church stay out of the headlines because of their hateful tone.   Also I believe that masking sin in the church is wrong.  This would include things such as child abuse, leadership immorality, or financial failures.  Yet in some IFB churches you never openly question the pastor even if he is guilty of immorality and in some places you never go to authorities when the church’s reputation is on the line.  Folks, sin is sin and needs to be dealt with!

That being said, we are INDEPENDENT fundamental Baptists and nothing the other church/pastor does should sway us from standing where we ought to stand.   We will give account to God for what we do and not what the other person does.  That is clear in Scripture (Romans 14:12).

But the question is does a supporting pastor or church have the right to question every missionary they support as if they were out of their church?  Think about it.  How many churches expect the missionary that came to their church to do everything their church would do?  How many pastors expect the missionary they support to do exactly the same kind of work being done in the supporting church?  

Let me give an example, a supporting church is actively involved in door to door evangelism.  They knock on every door in their community several times each year.  They see numerous decisions made at the door each week and are adding to their church regularly.  That church is going to assume that “their” missionaries can/should do something similar in their foreign field.  And why not?  The supporting church sees the fruit of their labor, why shouldn’t the missionary? 

Here is another example.  A supporting church immediately baptizes their converts within a week or two of a salvation decision.  That church sees it as the net nature step after conversion and makes that discussion part of the salvation discussion right up front.  The supporting church baptizes every week or so because of the should being led to Christ at the door each week, and they expect the same from their missionaries too.  And why not?  They are seeing it work, so why shouldn’t the missionary? 

So now comes a prayer letter from the missionary they support and no one has been saved, no one has been baptized, and not one person has united with the missionary church.  Because of what is going on in their church the supporting church and pastor begin to question the ability and work ethic of the missionary, but they give them a few more months to show grace.  Time passes and more prayer letters come and still no visible results.  So the pastor contacts the missionary and asks for a reason for the lack of results.  The missionary tries to explain what he is doing on the field as far as ministry is concerned in an attempt to justify his ministry to the supporting pastor.  Now I am going to end the illustration there and let the Holy Spirit finish it in your heart as to whether the church should continue to support that missionary or not.  But the point I want to make is - Does the supporting church really have the right to hold every missionary accountable but questioning their ministry or results?

First let me say that every church/pastor will give account for their stewardship of God’s resources and so we must be sure to support works we know God is pleased with.  But does that justify supporting churches that doubt the ability and work ethic of their missionary just because the results are not the same?

In my first example the supporting church assumes that every country allows knocking on doors, yet there are countries that door to door is illegal and in many more it is not culturally accepted to just go up and knock on a stranger’s door.  And the last time I checked my Bible, there was not one verse that commands missionaries to “knock on doors.”  Now before you lynch me by saying “The early church went house to house” (Acts 20:20), let’s clarify a few things.  The early churches’ greatest works were not done door to door, as that could be argued that they went door to door within the believer’s homes teaching doctrine, but in the synagogues of the Jewish world (Mark 1:21; 3:1; Luke 4:16; Acts 13:14; 17:10; 18:4, 19; 19:8).  Now mind you I believe in door ti door evangelism too, but in some countries it is not possible and in some countries is even grounds for immediate deportation of the missionary.  Yet we often feel if it’s not done there the way we do it here, then it’s not going to work.

In my second example about baptism, we need to remember that some cultures, such as in India, the river is their god and being baptized is to beginning of isolation from everything and everyone from the past.  It is, in some cultures, the moment you disown your family.  Thus baptism for some is a life altering decision that requires time and forethought.  Yes, there are many occasions in the Bible where people were immediately baptized after salvation  such as Acts 8:36-18.  But also realize that Jesus was not baptized until He was ready to begin His earthly ministry.  

So does a supporting church have the right to directly question every missionary who does not do things the way they do them?  Another way of putting this is asking if every missionary is “sent out” of every supporting church, are they accountable to every supporting church, or are they sent out of and accountable just to their “home” church?  Let’s think about that through Scripture first.  Who sent out Paul and Silas?  Ultimately the Lord did, but He did so through the church at Antioch (Acts 13).  These men were supported by many people and churches but they answered directly to the church at Antioch.  The Antioch church was their sending group and their accountability structure.  To the best of my knowledge not one other church challenged their work as they seemingly did work solely through the church at Antioch.  

My point is that we are each going to give account to our Lord independently of what others say or do.  So if a church/pastor feels that every missionary MUST do as they do, then they are free to do such and will give that account based on their conscience.  But if a church/pastor recognizes that not every one of “their” missionaries are actually “their’s” but sent from another church and that missionary is actually accountable to that church first, then maybe supporting churches should do more to work through the “home” church instead of just bypassing them.

If you feel “your” missionary is not doing the work you feel they should, contact their sending church.  If you see that a missionary is not seeing the results you are at home, then maybe go over to their field and see if you can help them.  But let’s stop treating our missionaries as if they are employees of our church when they are sent and called workers of the Lord sent out by another church which we are helping.

Music in the Christian Home (Final Part)

Since there are no exact examples of the style of music in the Bible, how do we determine what kind of music to have in our homes? 

To put that question and its answer in perspective, let me illustrate with something my father-in-law said to me several years ago.  At the time we were discussing standards within Christianity such as dress and music.  I had made the statement that too often we hold to a standard because our culture has defined it and not the Bible and my father-in-law said, “Yes, and one day the Beatles' music will probably play in some churches because they will be tame compared to what the world is playing.”  He was right!  

Just recently a “church” in West Suffield, CT actually had a “Here’s Comes the Sun” service incorporating many of the Beatles’ songs into their service including “Help,” “Imagine,” “A Little Help From My Friends,” “Let It Be,” “Can’t Buy My Love,” and even ended with the Beatles’ self proclaimed anthem “All You Need is Love” as their closing “hymn.”  Now mind you this wasn’t a IFB church, although it was a self-proclaimed evangelical church.   But, the point is that the musical style of the Beatles is mild compared to current musicians in the world and many proclaimed Christians, including this group in Connecticut, have no issues listening to the Beatles’ style of music partially because it is not like the current worldly music styles.

(f you are interested on how many are viewing the Beatles and church music just do an internet search “Beatles’ music and church” and see what you find.  It might amaze you!)

My point is that music choices should not START with what music is different from the world but that is often the main battle cry for music choices by churches and preachers.  Once again let me be clear - I AM NOT GIVING LICENSE TO LISTEN TO WORLDLY MUSIC!  I am simply trying to give a biblically based standard for our musical choices instead of a moving target of “not like the world.”  Here is a viable biblical list of questions to ask about your music:

1. Does this style of music honor God or honor man? 1 Corinthians 10:31 “Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God.”  There are even some classic Christian hymns that really place man above God.  A song, whether religious or secular, should NEVER say that man is the master of things and that he should be the ultimate controller of his life.
2. Am I using this particular music to hide from the realities of life? Music can be a hiding place from our daily struggles.  Many times when I was having a bad day, I would put on a favorite song so that I could get away from the reality of my life at that moment and try to lose myself in the song.  Now mind you, finding a quiet place is wonderful, but that quiet place should help me deal with life not take me away from dealing with my life.  Jesus came apart for a while in Matthew 6:31 where He says to His disciples, “…Come ye yourselves apart into a desert place, and rest a while…”  But realize He went there to get alone with His Father not run from His problems.  So often music becomes like comfort food instead of nourishment.  We need music that uplifts and encourages us, but not music that takes away truth - that is one of the reasons why drugs and alcohol are so powerful - a respite from reality, but you always have to go back to reality.
3. Would I be ashamed of the Lord looked through my music history?  Now mind you this is a judgement call I know.  That group in Connecticut would probably say playing Beatles’ songs was okay with God just as some groups believe that Jesus would wear “testimony” tattoos and drink beer with the boys, but each of them will answer before God for themselves as we will.  Romans 14:5 makes it clear that we are going to have to answer for our own path, “…Let every man be fully persuaded in his own mind.” Galatians 6:4 also says, “But let every man prove his own work, and then shall he have rejoicing in himself alone, and not in another.”  I will not and cannot answer for another person’s standard of music, however, you must accept that God is going to judge our obedience to His Spirit in our lives not our ability to live beyond the standards of others.  In other words, you and I must be obedient to God and not just reject the standards of others and pick our own path.  We MUST obey the conscience of God, even in our music! Read Romans 14 for better advise than I can ever give.
4. Am I trying to live holy by my music?  We are commanded to live holy lives.  Once again that is a vague term in many minds, but I am not going to have to answer for someone else’s definition of holy, just the one that God has put into my path.  1 Peter 1:16 says, “…Be ye holy; for I am holy.”  But the real heart of that definition is in verses 13 and 14 where we are told, “Wherefore gird up the loins of your mind, be sober, and hope to the end for the grace that is to be brought unto you at the revelation of Jesus Christ; As obedient children, not fashioning yourselves according to the former lusts in your ignorance.”  In other words, the “holy” of verse 16 that we are commanded to be is clearly different from the “former lusts.” Thus our musical choices should be different from our “former lusts.”
5. Is the music doctrinally right or filled with heresy?  Now mind you I am not talking about a person’s interpretation of philosophy, such as “Would God really do what that songs says?”  But what I am talking about is clear cut and dried WRONG DOCTRINE!  For instance, a recent Presbyterian hymnbook included the song “Bring Many Names Wonderful and Good.”  In that song the lyrics say, “Strong mother God” and “Hail and Hosanna, strong mother God” and “Old, aching God.”   All three are heresy and should not be sung in any church that claims truth of the Bible as their foundation.  Now mind you this type of philosophy is currently acceptable in many places.  It is the same philosophy you will find in books like “The Shack” where God adapts Himself to fit the views of men instead of lifting man out of his sinful condition, but none the less, it is heresy.  Sound doctrine should be the basis of any song we listen to….even “secular” music.  If a secular song assaults the doctrines of the Bible or the character of God then it should be set aside as well. 

As we close this brief study let me say that God is not trying to make life miserable, but joyous.  His joyous not the world’s type of joy.  His joy is found in a meaningful relationship with Him and His people.  Music can be a catalyst for that if we choose that which brings us to Him and lifts our spirits in Him.  Secular music is not always wrong, nor is Christian music always right.  We must filter our choices, all choices, including our music, through the prism and filter of biblical truths.  May God direct you into His will for your music.

Music in the Christian Home (Part 2)

There are four types of events describing the usage of music in the Bible.

1. Events of genuine worship where God is exalted and praised for Who He is and what He has done.  These include; Exodus 15:1, Judges 5:1, and Acts 16:25.
2. Events of pagan worship of idolatry, such as Exodus 32 and Daniel 3:5.
3. Celebration events such as Luke 18:25.
4. Carnal events that have nothing to do but feed the flesh.  Matthew 14:6 is an event where a man ultimately loses his life because of dance, assumed to music, feeding the flesh.

But the one thing you will not find in any of these passages is what style of music was being played.  We can assume certain things but we cannot know for certain as the Bible does not tell us.  Clearly the purpose and lyrics would be different in each of these cases but the style of music is unlisted in each event.

I have been in ministry now for over 28 years with the first nearly 10 years as youth pastor, and of course, we know that youth pastors are notorious for having to deal with music as an issue.  Also my family sings and has even produced two family CD’s and a coming EP by our oldest daughter with evangelist/musician Ben Everson.  I say this to clarify that music is not just one of many topics I cover as a pastor but it is a huge part of who our family is and what our family does in ministry.  Music is important to us and understanding the reasons for our music is important to us as well.

Music is also one of the most controversial and divisive topics in Christianity to today, even more so than doctrine in some groups.  As an example, if you were to walk for the first time into a seemingly fundamental church today and saw a drum set and electric guitar in the front there would be an immediate thought of “What kind of church have I come into?”  Their presence in the auditorium would give immediate pause to the church’s doctrine and standards.  We would think that before we even hear how they are used.  Yet our judgement would be based upon a perception of the instrument and their usage.  However, it is not the instrument alone that is the issue but how it is played and what it represents that really is the issue.  For instance, a drum plays well in a military band and an electric guitar is often used to electronically embed a harmless rhythm line into a song.  But because we also know that these instruments can also play something far more sinister as well we immediately judge the church based upon the instrument before we even see how it is used.  And unfortunately in most cases our “pre-judgement” is often accurate as most churches that have these instruments in the fore front have compromised their standards, but its the heart of the issue I am trying to point out here.

Please do not misunderstand me - I AM OPPOSED TO UNGODLY MUSIC!!!!  The world’s version of music has little do with godliness and should not be brought into the worship of our God.  But we must be honest enough to say that the exact style of music played in the Bible is not given to us and thus we are having to make a certain level of a judgment call about it.  With some of that judgement call being based upon our personal preference or some on our previous training of the issue of music.  Yet we cannot use our personal preferences to set our standard for others and we should not take a stand in our churches without the Bible as our basis.  

For instance, I personally do not like the sound of blue grass music and so do not listen to it all, but I cannot say that blue grass is ungodly and wicked.  I simply do not play it or listen to it and when I am in a church service where it is being played I am not as “blessed” by it as those around me.  Another example would be that I do not care for certain styles of southern gospel music either, but once again I will not preach against it based upon my preference.  I have many dear friends in ministry that LOVE southern gospel music and have it in their church at every opportunity.  Yet to my ear it is finger nails against a chalkboard - BUT IT IS NOT UNBIBLICAL - just unpalatable to me.  I cannot and will not preach against southern gospel based on that preference.

So where do we go with the subject of music and our worship?

First and foremost the question must be answered - Why do I listen to the music that I listen to?  The Bible says in 1 Corinthians 10:31 “Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God.”  But does that mean that ALL our music must be spiritual?  If that is the case then songs such as “Happy Birthday to You” or “The ABC Song” must never be sung again as they make no mention of God or His Word.  What 1 Corinthians 10:31 is speaking of is that whatever we do must be something that does not detract away from the glory of God or pulls us into a life of rebellion against His holiness and glory.

If we are going to begin to understand the issue of music in our homes it must be with the right foundation of the Word of God’s view of the issue.  When you understand that the style of music is not directly given in the Bible, then it is easy to comprehend that we are going to make our music decisions based on biblical principles not biblical directives.  Thus each of us are going to have to give an account as the Holy Spirit has led us and we must make our decisions based off of that truth and not based on a “this song is godly” and “this song is not godly” mindset.

Again, please do not leave this post thinking that I am giving a license to listen to whatever you want, as that is not the case.  However I have no shame in saying that I cannot tell exactly which style of music to listen but also add that you need to realize that you are going to give an account for whatever you listen to before an Almighty Holy God and there is music out there that clearly grieves Him and His holiness.  So do you want to stand before this God of holiness having grieved Him by your fleshly style of music?  That is your call not mine and that is my point.

There are however some biblical principle points we should consider about music and those are the subject of the next post…coming soon.

Music in the Christian Home (Part 1)

It seems that every generation has its struggles with music.  For example, when the Beatles came to America in 1964 they were preached against and scorned at every turn.  Yet today they would be seen as “mild” compared to Rihanna and Justin Bieber for sure.  The Beatles’ every word was attacked and even their hair styled was banned in many colleges and schools because it was the “Beatle’s bowl cut” and it was a sign of rebellion.  Now mind you, there were times that these four from Britain did seem to run counter to everything Christian, such as when John Lennon said, “they were more popular than Jesus Christ,” but did they really destroy American Christians with their music? 

When I was a teenager in the mid to late 1980s I can remember conferences being held by IFB preachers about music and its affects on our generation.  Good men such as Frank Garlock, father-in-law to Patch the Pirate’s Ron Hamilton, held these kind of conferences.  I remember as a young teen reading book “The Big Beat” written in 1971 by Dr. Garlock who went across America speaking about the dangers of the music and lyrics by using small clip examples of the music and lyrics in churches.  Dr. Garlock was criticized by some for bringing rock into churches and even later said that he had been greatly affected by the usage of those clips and so stopped using them in his meetings.  He was right on target with his assessment and his messages were on sound doctrinally but that made him very unpopular in some circles too.  But should preachers still stand for or against certain styles of music or should any style of popular music be used to preach the Gospel?

As some of you may recall, there were many record burning sessions in the 1960s through the 1990s at churches of all stripes and doctrinal stances because of the genuine concern for godliness and fear of rock music’s effects on the youth of our nation.  Some told us that the records had been blessed by satanic priests and that if you played them backwards, secret messages would play.  Stories circulated that some records would scream when they were burned in the fires as the demons were released.  Once again, there was a genuine concern by some and yet sensationalism by others.  But once again, I ask, should these kind of events have happened in the first place, or were these preachers being almost fascist in these record burnings?  Have some Christian leaders just been over-reacting to the music of the current age?

Here we are in 2017 and clearly times have changed when it comes to music.  As an example, the Super Bowl is most watched annual event in the entire world with over 120 million watching world wide.  The very first Super Bowl halftime show was the University of Arizona Symphonic Marching Band doing a list of songs entitled “The Liberty Bell,” but, this year (2017) it was Lady Gaga “singing” about sexual equality for LGBT people at halftime.  By the way, this is the same 2017 Super Bowl that played in many churches as part of their Super Sunday services.  According to “Christianity Today” magazine, more than 2 of every 5 churches that have evening services adjusted their services for the Super Bowl, with 24% actually showing the game IN THEIR CHURCH as part of their evening activities.  According the article, the larger the church, the more likely they were to change their activities on Super Bowl Sunday for the sake of the game.   To clarify that point, according to the article churches of less than 100 in their evening service were more than 90% likely to keep their services unchanged.  Can you honestly imagine the first church at Jerusalem doing that?  I know it seems that I digressed from the subject at hand about music, but there is a truth that we will hopefully in time see connecting the two things.

So the main questions really are have our public worship music standards really changed that much and does it really spiritually matter what we listen to anyway?  Let’s take the issues one at a time.  First, what about church/public worship music?

Today in churches across the world, let’s be honest here, the style of music that once only played in dance halls and rock concerts seemingly screams out of the sound systems of worship centers of churches that claim doctrinal truth to be their mantra.  The words seem very different but it appears that the music is almost the same sound and even an almost identical atmosphere.  Now mind you, I am not judging the hearts of these people as that is God’s task (1 Samuel 16:7) and I am sure that many of these worship leaders truly love the Lord deeply, so please don’t misunderstand the purpose for this article series.  I simply want to give a single man’s opinion on music in the Christian home.

Let me start by saying I have tried to honestly “research” the current trends and examine them from a Bible perspective.  As an example, I recently watched a video on a Christian video website from a group that called themselves a Christian Grunge group.  They had smoke, pyrotechnic displays, and even laser lights.  They literally screamed their lyrics to their song “Repent” and they truly seemed very “into” the message of the song.  But within one of the links below their video, they had an article entitled “How to Scream Your Message Without Damaging Your Voice.”  I clicked the link and read the article. It was written by the lead singer and founder of the group and referenced numerous secular (clearly ungodly) heavy metal and grunge groups as their inspiration style.  I found that very curious but slightly unsettling at the same time.  I then returned to their video page and watched another video, and then it dawned on me - they were doing their grunge Christian music in the worship service of a church building.  It was actually part of their church’s Sunday morning service - lights, lasers, pyrotechnics, and the screaming lyrics too.  I asked myself, was this what worship music should be?

God’s Word should always been our foundation of everything we do, but especially in the area of our public/church worship.  You see, as a church does publicly, so the members are encouraged to follow privately in their homes.  If a church prays and reads Scripture, then the members are being encouraged to follow that example in their homes.  If a church preaches clearly and strongly the Gospel of Jesus Christ by grace through faith, so the members should follow the example of the church public to then personally share the Gospel  by grace through faith.  Paul told Timothy in 1 Timothy 4:12 that being an example is crucial as a leader (Timothy was pastor of church at Ephesus) as people will follow the lead of what they see in their churches (2 Timothy 2:2).   

When a church brings the influence of the world into the church service the members will take that away with them and live it out in their daily lives.  The members are looking to the church as their benchmark of behavior and lifestyle.  Now mind you there are going to be members who will always live a supposed “higher” standard than their church, but for the most part people will always be a step or two away from the exact music standards they see in their church services.  That is why the church’s music MUST be one which first and foremost follows biblical direction.  You see there is no where in Scripture that we are told to sing an old song..you know the old song of the world, the old song of the flesh, the old song that we used to feed by worldly standards.  We are commissioned to sing a NEW SONG!  Psalm 40:3, Psalm 96:1, and Revelation 5:9 all speak of the “new song” put into our hearts and mouths by the Lord.

The music of our churches needs to be that new song not just new words!

Part 2 will be coming soon.