Communication: Our Greatest Weakness in Ministry

Recently I sent an email to about 100 pastors asking for their input about their ministry.  Basic questions like - what would you like other churches to know about your ministry?  Now I realize that many pastors are not technology savvy and many get hundreds of emails everyday so I did not expect all 100 to respond back.  However, I did expect more than the 8 to acknowledge back to my query, with one of those 8 including one of my own church's staff!  That really was a surprise to be honest, as it was not a major questionnaire, actually just 4 questions, and it was to pastors that I thought I had a good connection with.  Now mind you I may still hear from them in the future but to be honest I doubt that the number will grow much further.  

Yet I am not alone in this issue.

I was talking to a veteran missionary a couple of months ago and he said it has gotten hard to get pastors to respond to correspondence.  He said on average he must contact a pastor at least three times before the pastor responds to him, and that is not just via email but through other means as well.  He said that it is not uncommon for three or four phone messages to be left before a pastor responds back and even more when it comes to text messages or emails.  When he said that I began to search my routine to see if I could have been “one of those pastors” and at times regretfully I am.  I know pastors are busy, but really is this acceptable?

It seems to me that for a generation that has access to immediate communication, via cell phones and internet, we do not communicate in a timely fashion very well.  It is true that missionaries of the past had to wait for months for written replies from their home pastors, but we do not live in that past.  Also we expect immediate replies when it comes to what we are seeking, so why shouldn’t we not act in kind?  Our timely communication needs work for sure!

But along with delayed communication we also have dazed communication.  Because when we do communicate it seems that sometimes we either do not communicate effectively or people’s ability to grasp what is being said has slipped as well.  How often do we have to explain our actions and motives again and again to people?  For instance, I was called into question the other day by a salesman who said I was threatening his business by a negative review, when the truth was I had already left a positive review of the transaction and his business and I had told him so.  It took me several minutes to get him to understand that I had already given him positive marks and so I wanted him to know I was glad to do business with him.  For some reason he thought my pointing out the positive review was a threat that I was going to change it to negative.  He finally understood, but only after he read the review for himself!

There are two categories of communication; communication with God and communication with mankind.  When Elijah was running from the wicked queen he entered a cave and waited to hear from God.  While there the prophet did not hear God in the major events, such as wind, fire or earthquake, but he finally did hear God speaking "in a still small voice" (1 Kings 19:9-12).  I submit to you that if we cannot effectively communicate with people standing in front of us how can we communicate effectively with God Who speaks in a still small voice?  Communication is not just talking or hearing, but understanding. 

I truly think there are some wonderful biblical truths we must grasp about our communication:

1. Learn to at least respond to every individual that communicates with us, even if its a simple acknowledgement.  In this day of mass emails this can be tricky, but really I can’t see Jesus ignoring real people, asking real questions, or seeking real advise (John 6:35).  I am trying to at least call back every missionary that leaves a message, even if I cannot have them to present their ministry.  I think it’s just common courtesy.
2. Ask questions when we see that what we are saying is not being understood.  Yes, this takes time, but it’s an investment in people (Matthew 16:13 & John 8:10).  We need to find out where people are in their understanding instead of just assuming that because we grasp something a certain way that all people grasp the same way.  This takes patience.
3. Assume that when we speak we are going to be misunderstood so extra explanation is always going to be needed.  This saves us from being frustrated when we have to take the extra time to explain again and again something.  Notice how often the Bible tells us that Jesus spake “again” something (Matthew 22:1; Luke 13:20; John 8:21).  To be honest, too often our goal is to say something and then move on instead of being sure that what we are trying to say in being understood.
4. Pray for communication to improve on the part of the listener and the hearer.  The Spirit of God can fill in the holes of misunderstanding so much better than we (Acts 2:4).  Ask Him to direct your words and your listening in any given situation.
5. Try to use the fewest words possible to explain anything.  The more words the more confusion can take place (Matthew 6:7 & 1 Corinthians 14:19).  I heard it said about preachers, “get up - speak up - shut up - sit down.”  Remember that Paul’s long sermon  killed a man (Acts 20:9 - of course this is pointed out tongue in cheek).
6. Give people the benefit of the doubt either when someone else talking or when they listening.  In other words, put the other person first in your thinking when you are trying to communicate (Philippians 2:3).
7. Filter every word we speak through the Spirit of God and God’s Word.  Someone said it this way, “Taste every word before you say it.  If it is sour or bitter, swallow it.  If it is sweet and wholesome, then allow it to proceed out of your mouth.” (Psalm 19:14)

Satan is a master communicator as he has the ability to relay his message loud and clear.  But God is a better communicator since He speaks to heart in a way that no other being can.  Let’s rely on Him for our voice and our understanding of others communication, but let’s also do our part to seek to communicate effectively and courteously.

Should Christians Haggle With Salesmen?

Just today I spent almost an hour on the phone with the sales manager of a car dealership from whom I am buying a car.  Yesterday he had promised me a $500 bonus refund because my daughter was in college, but, today he had to withdraw it because she was not going to be on the title.  Now mind you he never said yesterday that she had to be on the title to get the bonus so when I was told the bonus money was just being removed I stood my ground and said “If that’s the case, let’s just cancel the deal and I’ll do my business elsewhere.”  I will openly and publicly admit I should have used better words but my attitude was not bad and there was no anger, just firmness.  But was I wrong in doing this in the first place?

Anytime you go into the world’s business community and say anything about being a Christian, or even “worse” - a pastor, there is always  going to be a certain level of expectation.  In this case the sales manager claims to be a Christian as well and we even spoke of Christian things when we weren’t talking cars.  Yet today, I was reminded on the phone that “as a Christian you really should…” and that is where it becomes hard to determine what to do next.  Should I stand my ground and expect them to stand behind their commitment or just let it go and pay the extra $500 because of my Christian testimony or just walk away from the transaction?  Should I let the world use my Christianity against me and just give in every time or should I expect them to give me what I believe I deserve and let them think what they want about my “Christianity?”  

First, money is one of the most controversial topics Christians can ever discuss.  It is even more difficult for a pastor to preach about as some people will automatically assume money is a subject “off limits” when it comes to preaching.  Yet Jesus taught a great deal about money.  According to Howard Dayton in Leadership Volume 2 “Jesus talked much about money. Sixteen of the thirty-eight parables were concerned with how to handle money and possessions. In the Gospels, an amazing one out of ten verses (288 in all) deal directly with the subject of money. The Bible offers 500 verses on prayer, less than 500 verses on faith, but more than 2,000 verses on money and possessions.”  So clearly money is an important topic to discuss and understand.  In the context of the original question about “haggling” it could be perceived in some minds that I am “greedy of filthy lucre” because I am not giving in to their demands.  Thus the concern for biblical direction.

In my opinion, the greatest two lessons about money, and how we should deal with the world in financial issues, such as car salesmen, are first that we are stewards of God’s resources even in our own money (1 Corinthians 4:2) and second that we are to be like Christ and “render unto Caesar that which is Caesar’s” (Mark 12:17).  Money should be nothing more than a tool for believers, but, to the world it almost is their god and there in lies the conflict.  Unfortunately there are many Christians who do not view money correctly either and that puts undue pressure on their interaction with the world regarding money as well.

Second, our reactions to anything should be based upon the old axiom “what would Jesus do?”  I know that could be interpreted many ways, but when you actually go to Scripture the “what WOULD Jesus do” easily becomes “what DID Jesus do?”  Jesus paid His bills, including tribute, without haggling (Matthew 17:24-27), although I wish I could get money from fishing, but He is God and I am not.  But Jesus also did not allow the improper usage of money to go unchecked as He warned His disciples to not have two masters (Matthew 6:24) and He made sure that money making was not what His house was about either (Matthew 21:13).  All that being said, Jesus never got angry over money being used properly, just when it was used to profane the House of God.  If we ever get angry just about amount of money then we are not “doing what Jesus would do.”  Simply put we must commit our hearts to do what is right no matter what it costs us!  If doing right means going back to the store that didn’t charge you enough then so be it!  If doing right is paying more than you thought because the item was on the wrong shelf, then so be it!  If you have to pay extra because the person misspoke, then so be it!  Do right as Jesus DID!  You want people to forgive your “misspeaks” so why shouldn't we be prepared to do the same in return?

Last, asking people to honor their commitments is also biblical as long as you keep it in balance.  Solomon said in Ecclesiastes 5:5 “Better is it that thou shouldest not vow, than that thou shouldest vow and not pay.”  If someone makes a clear intentional agreement then it should be honored, but even then, not to the loss of our testimony by holding them to it especially if they are another Christian.  Paul said in 1 Corinthians 6:7 “Now therefore there is utterly a fault among you, because ye go to law one with another.  Why do ye not rather take wrong?  Why do ye not rather suffer yourselves to be defrauded?”  In other words, Paul was saying in context of the "haggling" question, your testimony and standing before God is worth more than any amount of money, don’t sell it!

In my case this morning, the sales manager admitted he made a mistake and apologized and asked for forgiveness, which I immediately gave.  The minute he admitted his personal mistake I committed in my heart to pay the $500 extra even though he had made the verbal commitment because this was clearly a human error not an intentional deception on his part.  It was not his policy to withhold the money, but he had just failed to explain the details to me.  So I committed in my heart to do what was right.  By God’s grace as we talked further, he graciously said he would find a way to make the $500 up to me anyway even though I was going to pay it.  We parted “friends” and the name of Christ was not marred.

Christian, how often do we treat people badly because of money?  How often do we bark un-lovingly at a cashier because she gave us wrong change or charged more then they should have?  How often do we expect the store to honor a price that we know is not right because we are “cheap skates?”  How often do we ask for discounts just because we are a church or a Christian servant?  Do we begrudge a doctor or mechanic when they charge what we think is an outrageous amount of money, yet we expect them to give us pristine service still?  And on it goes.  Let’s keep money is perspective.  

Let’s serve people and use money, not use people and serve money.

When You FEEL Out of God’s Will But KNOW You’re Not

Being out of the will of God is sinful and grievous, but the possibility of not knowing that you are out of God’s will is down right scary.  I mean think about it - the possibility of living everyday as normal yet not recognizing that that you are out of the will of God!  Being out of the will of God is rebellion at it’s most serious.

For those that might say that it’s impossible to be out of God’s will and not know it, let me say one name - Samson.  God declares in Judges 16:20 that Samson “wist not that the Lord was departed from him.”  The word “wist” simply means he did not comprehend his condition or in other words he was out of God’s will but did not grasp his condition.  It is true that Samson had been out of God’s perfect will for some time, but he still did not see his condition per God’s usage of the phrase “wist not.”  So clearly there are those who are out of the will of God and don’t know it…and that’s very unsettling if you a person that wants to be in the center of God’s will.

So then there is the other half of this discussion - FEELING that you are somehow out of the will of God but not sure where.  Then there are those who actually truly are convinced that they are in the center of God’s will but still FEELING out of it somehow.

It is true that we will never reach perfection in these carnal fleshly bodies that crave sin, though that is not an excuse to sin, we still should desire to live godly lives.  Because according to God’s Word every true believer’s will desire within their changed soul to live within the will of God by seeking to live a holy life (1 John 2:29).   So we should always be seeking to purge ourselves of sin and strive to be in the center of God’s perfect will (Hebrews 12:1) and thus being in the center of God’s will is important to the dedicated child of God.

But is it possible to be in the center of God’s will and still FEEL as if you are out of that perfect will?  I believe the answer to that is - YES!

As an example, can a pastor or missionary wake up FEELING they are out the will of God because they are discouraged by where they are currently serving, yet be spiritually convinced they are where God wants them?  Again I submit that YES! 

So how do we deal with this issue?  Here a few biblical truths to consider:

1. Our flesh, and the emotions that go along with it, will always lie to us (Romans 7:18).  This is why we are commanded in 2 Corinthians 5:6 to live by faith (belief in God’s truths) and not by sight (belief in our experiences).  Notice I have emphasized throughout this post the word “FEEL?”  This is because that is usually where the confusion about being out God’s will is in a saint of God - their feelings.  Don’t trust them!
2. God will never allow a surrendered servant to continually be out of His perfect will (Romans 12:1-2).  It is against all spiritual truths for God in His holiness to allow a person to live in sin if they desire to live holy.  Thus if you are truly desirous to live for Him then He will enable you to do that (Hebrews 13:21).  Think of it this way, why would God take a willing servant and allow him to live in rebellion, when that is against His very character?  In other words, how can you desire to be in the center of God’s will yet God hide that from you?  In Samson’s case, his desire was not living in the center of God’s will but his own desires.  This can be seen in his rebuff of his parent’s admonition about marrying a Philistine instead of a Jewish woman (Judges 14:3) when he said “get her for me.”
3. If you are out of the will of God then chastening is forthcoming and that chastening is not grievous but joyous in the long term (Hebrews 12:11).  However God will always chastise you in such a way that makes it clear what you have done wrong.  Conviction is not about making us miserable, but about getting us to repent and get back into God’s will (Acts 3:19).  This must be true because to do otherwise means confusion and that is not God character (1 Corinthians 14:33).  For instance, would a parent punish their child without explaining what the child did wrong?  No!  Neither will God.  If you are out of the will of God, yet desiring to be in it, then God will, by His very nature, show you clearly where you are wrong and what needs to change so that you can be in His will.
4. Never allow the emotions of a moment to undermine the confidence of the long term decisions already made.  Recently I spoke with a young pastor of a struggling work here in NY.  Just a few months ago he KNEW it was God’s will for him to come here to NY and to pastor the struggling work he took about a year ago.  But now that his emotions are seeing some struggles he is questioning whether he is in the perfect will of God right now.  His major “feeling” was that God wanted him elsewhere based on financial issues and not on some spiritual moving or other open door of service…it was just a “feeling” he had.   NEVER Trust the emotions of a moment as greater than the clear hand of God (Jeremiah 17:9).  One song writer said it this way, “Don’t doubt in the dark, what He said in the light.  He’s still the same God of the day or the night.” 
5. God never moves His will only His servants to fulfill His will.  If you know you are where God wants you then don’t think God has changed His will (Malachi 3:6).   It is true that God may move His faithful people to another place, but only to fulfill ALL His will (Acts 13:22) not because His will has changed.
6. God is the God of certainties not doubts.  If you want to live in the center of God’s will but you are just having “doubts” then know that those “doubts” are not from God.  It is true that our circumstances of life can seal our knowledge of God’s perfect will but never will our circumstances keep us in doubt (Acts 12:1-11, culminating in verse 11 “I know for a surety).  Satan, the world, and our flesh want us to live in doubt, but not God.  If God is going to “move” you then you WILL KNOW IT!!!

Servant of God, your Heavenly Father wants you to know His will and to live within it.  If He placed you where you are then don’t let ANYTHING “move” you from His will (Acts 20:24).   He wants to use you and wants you to be in the center of His will everyday of your life.  Seek His face and He will place you and keep you in the center of His will! 

Fighting The “Monday Morning Ministry Blues"

Growing up in a pastor’s home I saw things that the average church member did not.  Things that were both wonderful and grievous, such as thoughtful people who cared and people who forgot that other people have problems too.  People are all failing humans and as my father used to say, “If you can’t stand the smell of sheep, don’t be a shepherd.”  I love people and I love the fact that I get to spend my life seeking to help them.  Now mind you I don’t always do the right thing as sometimes I fail to serve everyone the way they need.  But I try to rest in the fact that everyone's real help needs to be the Lord and I just need to point them to Him anyway.  So regardless of what you take away from this article, know that this pastor, and most pastors, truly love their people and are glad to be called into the position they are in.

Monday morning is one of the hardest days for most preachers.  These difficult moments of Mondays are often called “Monday Morning Ministry Blues.”  This time of discouragement usually comes because the day before did not go as planned, either because the people did not respond as expected or the pastor recognizes that he did not minister as he had hoped.  Either way Monday morning is often a discouraging time for many pastors.  This is especially true for bi-vocational pastors as on Monday morning they have to get back into the saddle of earning a living without the day before impacting their work responsibilities.

So what does “Monday Morning Ministry Blues” entail?  In a short list it is a time of second guessing your message selection, of doubting your call into ministry all together, of your call to a specific ministry location, of people’s desire to actually live out what they say they believe, or whether it’s worth putting your family through this “ministry” anymore.  You see Monday is when Satan pulls out his big guns directed at preachers - discouragement, doubt, and loneliness.  Satan loves to see a pastor depressed, because a depressed pastor can easily lead to a defeated pastor.

So should a pastor fight this assault?

1. Pray extra on Monday morning - remember it’s a spiritual battle and you need spiritual strength (Colossians 1:9).
2. Serve the needy on Mondays - this helps us know that we are about ministry not about ourselves.  We are more likely to get depressed when we bury ourselves in ourselves.  So often Mondays become a day in which we as pastors withdraw from everyone to “recover” when we need to revive (Galatians 5:13).
3. Openly praise God for His greatness.  There is no greater internal strengthening force than praising the greatness of our God (James 4:7-10).  Focus on Him and His awesomeness!!!

If you are a church member that is concerned about your pastor being burned out on Mondays here a couple of suggestions to help him keep from the Monday Morning Ministry Blues:

1. Call your pastor to say you are praying for him, or better yet, pray with him on the phone (1 Thessalonians 5:25).  Let him know what about his message encouraged your heart. 
2. Coordinate with other members of your church to write a note each Monday to your pastor.  This may not uplift your pastor on Mondays, but it surely will show him that you were thinking of his ministry which will encourage his heart (1 Thessalonians 5:14).
3. Prepare a meal for your pastor’s family on Monday after calling to say your bringing them lunch or dinner.  This uplifts the entire family especially if your pastor is bi-vocational (1 Timothy 5:1).

The main reasons that “full-time” Christian servants quit the ministry are related to discouragement which can be prevented with the Lord’s help and a little preparation by the pastor and his church.  Know that your pastor is human and needs your encouragement just as much as any church member.  If you are a pastor, don’t forget to share your burden with someone, even if it means calling someone in another state.  God doesn't want His servants to quit, but also He doesn’t want to them be weary in the doing either (2 Thessalonians 3:13).

When a Faithful Servant of God Dies Young

Yesterday I attended the funeral for a precious wife of one of our missionaries which has planted a church in Connecticut.  She was just 31 year of age and the mother of a less than four year old son.  She and her husband came to our church about three years ago and we began supporting them then but it was also at that meeting that they disclosed that she had been diagnosed with ALS or Lou Gehrig’s disease, a horrible disease that has no cure and is always fatal in time.  At that time she was walking with a walker and ultimately became wheelchair and then bed ridden.  She could have sat down and waited for the inevitable but she chose to complete the course God had given to her and her husband as they finished deputation and then started the church together in Fairfield, CT.  She died this past Friday and graduated to Glory.

But why?  Why would God “take” one of His faithful servants away at such a young age.

First and foremost any answer given by mankind must be started by saying that God’s wisdom is  beyond ours and we must accept by faith that His way is always perfect and right.  Isaiah 55:8 makes it abundantly clear that God’s ways are not our ways and James 1:17 tells us that everything from above is good.  Thus faith must accept that “young” servants of God going to Heaven “early” is still good.

But in human terms we often look for explanations for things that go beyond the simple answer of God doing all things well, and God, though not required to do such, often allows us to have a more human answer to these kind of questions and that is the heart of this post.

First, time is arbitrary to God, thus there are no “young” or “old” in his estimation (Psalm 90:4).  We say they died “young” but in God’s sight a thousand years is as a day, thus He made us this morning and we died later the same day regardless of our earthly timeline.   With God's view of time as the standard, even those who lived hundreds of years in the Old Testament still only made it less than “a day” by God’s formula of time.  Thus there are no young or old to God.

Second, it is a matter of finishing the course that was set for us and not the length of our days here in that course.  This is why Paul wrote he had “finished his course” not that he had gotten old (2 Timothy 4:7).  We as humans judge everything based upon time but God has a perfect will for us and when we finish His perfect will there is nothing left to do but go home to be with Him.  Thus a servant of God going home “young” does not mean they have failed but finished the task God gave them to do.

Third, a “young” death is not a punishment for the servant of God but the reward.  The song writer said it best, “This world is not my home, I’m just passing through.  My treasures are laid up, somewhere beyond the blue.  The angels beckon me from Heaven’s open door, and I can’t feel at home in this world anymore.”  In Acts 7, faithful Stephen was taken home “early” not as punishment from God, but, so he could enter the joy of his Lord (Matthew 25:23).  It is amazing to think that one day we will get to go to Heaven because God’s grace and going “young” means we get Heaven sooner and that’s not a bad thing!  Is it?  God could have preserved Stephen’s life here on earth but Jesus stood to receive Him into Heaven (Acts 8:56) and I am sure Stephen heard the words “well done” as he entered there (Matthew 25:21).  Now mind you we are NOT to end life on our terms but God’s, as we are commanded to “occupy till He comes” (Luke 19:13).

God is a good God and will never allow His children to suffer the rages of this world one moment longer than necessary.  He has a perfect course for them to run and when they finish it, they can go home.  And His plan has always been to bring us into His presence and that moment is joyous not grievous.  Let’s try to see young servants going to Glory as a joy not a heartache…at least for them.  Revelation 22:20 says “I come quickly” and for the faithful servant of God who die “young” that is so true…He came quickly for them.

Praying for the President

November 2016 clearly changed the landscape of American politics and by many accounts it will change the face of the world as we know too.  But for Christians this November has given us a unique opportunity that does not change with each new person in the White House.  As a matter of fact this activity actually has little to do with the exact person which is elected president even though that office seems to be the central focal point of the activity.  You see we are commanded to pray for those in authority and that can be done regardless of the political or moral disposition of the president or leader.

We are exhorted (implored or called) to pray for the president even if the president isn’t the one we want in office.  It is so sad to see so many well meaning Christians over and over again posting negative political material when the Bible never one time shows a godly Christian speaking ill of the governmental leaders in their day.  The Bible commissions us to pray for our president in the following manner from 1 Timothy 2:1-4

1. Supplications is the idea intervening to God on a person’s behalf.  This is the same idea as Moses intervening for Israel on two separate occasions as God was ready to destroy them.  Moses gently reminded God that He brought them out of Egypt and promised them a land (Numbers 14:13-20).  So many Christians are praying for the judgment of God upon the wicked of our nation when national judgment always effects to righteous too (Matthew 5:45).   This is the type of prayer prayed in private or behind closed doors (Matthew 6:6).  Jesus prayed this type of prayer in Luke 16:27 and Mark 1:35.
2. Prayers is a public prayer prayed in the open for anyone to hear.  This would be the idea of praying in your church services for the president and all those in leadership of our country.  This is the kind of prayer that is not ashamed or embarrassed to have your words heard.  It is a prayer of earnest desires such as Matthew 17:21 and 21:22, which shows a willingness to even fast for the needs of person being prayed for.  Peter and John prayed this kind of prayer in Acts 4:23-30.
3. Intercessions is a prayer WITH the person you are praying for.  It would be the idea of going to the leader and asking them if you can pray for them in their presence such as going to the police officer and asking to pray with him for his protection and wisdom for his decisions.  This is the prayer that James describes in James 5:14 when the elders of the church prayer over a person who has a need.  We are to pray with those who lead us.  This could be your pastor, your local authorities, or governmental officials if that is possible.

How often do we pray for our president, governor, and other elected officials and often do we complain about them?  Today let’s rededicate ourselves to pray in a biblical way. 

Do We Have a Burger King Mindset About Church?

For years Burger Kind has had the slogan “Have it your way at Burger King.”  It's was their way of saying you can come into their place and ask for your burger to be made anyway you want it made.  You can leave off anything they usually put on it and even add extra of the things you really like.  And Burger King is not alone in this mindset as most restaurants have the same policy because they tell their employees, “the customer is always right.”

But this philosophy has bled into our modern churches where if people don’t like what they hear or don’t like how it was said, they feel they either have the right to go straighten the preacher out or they just leave because there is another church across town that is more to “their style” of ministry.  These kind of people don’t get it “their way” so they react negatively.

But is this biblical?

Let me clearly state that if false doctrine is being preached we ARE to first humbly speaking directly to the source of the seemingly doctrinal error (Galatians 2:6-21) and hopefully either have them explain our error or recant of their's.  But if the error teacher refuses to back down and clearly it is doctrinal error then we are commanded to take another 1 or 2 people with us (1 Timothy 5:17-20) and confront them about the error.  It is only then after should we withdraw ourselves from the church if they refuse to correct the error (1 Timothy 6:3-5).  The withdrawing of 1 Timothy 6:5 means either the church removes the one teaching the error (Romans 16:17) or we remove ourself from that church if the church fails to confront the error.  

However, NO WHERE in scripture does it say its okay to just walk away from a church we are members of, which seems to be the common practice today.  There are those who say they don’t want to cause trouble so they just leave, but if the error is biblically based doctrine then they should be “causing trouble” over the error and if it’s not doctrinal error they should NOT be having a major problem in the first place.

For perspective here are a few of the reasons I have been given through the years here at Valley for people leaving our church:

1. We preached against things such as popular books, television, and false teachers which clearly teach doctrine contrary to God’s doctrine.
2. In one family’s opinion our church did not help them enough when they had a financial need even though we took multiple love offerings.
3. We don’t allow non-members to participate in our member’s only activities, IE business meetings, teaching classes, singing in choir, etc.
4. We did not give a good enough explanation of why we wanted to buy a property next to our building.
5. We have too Sunday School classes, nurseries,  and youth group activities, because those things divides the family at church.
6. We don’t have enough Sunday School classes, nurseries, and youth group activities like the other churches in the area.
7. We don’t have a Christian school.
8. We don’t have enough homeschool activities.
9. We don’t reach into the public schools enough.
10. The pastor, me in this case, doesn’t visit his people enough.
11. The pastor, still me, visits too much when people haven’t asked for the visit.
12. We “force” people to soul win.
13. We don’t soul win enough.
14. We are too patriotic by having an American flag at the front.
15. We don't honor our country enough.
16. We don’t have enough elders.
17. We have too high standards, such as dress and music.
18. We are compromisers on our standards.
19. We have too many activities that people are expected to come to.
20. Well….I think you get the idea.

People have a free will and I know that they will usually believe they are acting on what is right.  But I am so glad that my family members do not just walk away from each other when they have a problem with each other and maybe that’s the key to the issue of the church.  The church should be seen more like a family than a Burger King.  You won’t always get it your way in a family or church and that’s okay.   You should be dedicated enough to love the people in that family or church and learn to allow your desires to be second place (1 Corinthians 6:7).  Just remember, if you want it your way, all the time…go to Burger King.  They will gladly charge you for having it your way every time you want!